so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
