you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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