She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
