I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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