Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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