Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
