ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
