I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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