Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
