I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
