Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wear drunk well.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
