my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
