In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
