Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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