someone threw a dead crab at me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
