Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
