Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
