I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
