True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
