I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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