I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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