I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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