i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
