I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
