atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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