I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
