not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
