No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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