Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
