Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
