If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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