He told me they were just razor bumps!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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