Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
