You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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