I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
