My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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