someone owes me an orgasm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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