How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
