It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
