i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
