I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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