one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
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