My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
