Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
