ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
