remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
