would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
