So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize