I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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