the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
