my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
