His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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