Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
