call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
