you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
