he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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