I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a search helicopter?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
