Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and she was petting her beer can
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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