Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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