they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
