I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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