You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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