So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize