good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
