Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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