Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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