i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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