i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
