So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize